A world travelor's pity party

Do you ever start having a pity party for yourself, even though you know that people from the outside looking in (at your pictures) would probably think you're a jerk if they heard you complain about your current situation? Last week I started a little pity party for myself, unsure of why I was so down. It probably had to do with my grandpa dying last week in Washington. He was almost 90 years old, and he's been sick for a long time, but I hoped that he wouldn't pass while I was gone. Even though I knew he was sick, it was a bit of a shock finding out that he had died. I felt like it wasn't real, like I was so removed from the reality of what was going on at home. I was torn between staying here and coming home. I had already been feeling a sense of "homesickness", not necessarily just from missing people from home in Washington, but just missing a feeling of home. Feeling home is like feeling a peaceful calm for me, and I was just touching the edge of that when we left for Germany. I've felt unsettled since being out of our house in June. Coming to Germany on a deployment is like this huge, indescribable blessing that I'm so thankful for. Yet it came at a time when all I wanted to do was rest and be settled, get into a routine, and make some friends. I am better at handling change now than I used to be, but after this two month living arrangement, I would love for things to go back to normal. Then hearing about my grandpa...I guess things just went downhill from there. Then everything seemed bad! Everything here that wasn't like home just seemed frustrating. I felt like everyone from my old home in Washington had already forgotten about me, that no matter how much I try to be a good friend, people don't care or notice. The grass sure looked greener for the friends I left in Washington, even though I try not to be that type of person. I guess it was just one of those weeks, and well, I felt sorry for myself. I think spending so much time alone just added to my sadness. These are the times when you rely on God for your companionship and comfort.

I think everyone who sees my pictures thinks that everything here is constant excitement. Being here is a gift, and seeing the sights has been amazing, but that doesn't mean things are perfect all the time. John works long hours, and on his days off, we squeeze in as much sight-seeing as we can in a short amount of time, putting in many hours of drive time. It's worth it to see Europe, but it's hard to maintain a balance. When John works, I rarely do anything fulfilling, and the days are long. Then when he is off, we are constantly going. It's a strange passing of time.

I decided to make a list of the good and the bad here...not as a pros and cons list, but to show the differences between life here and life in America. As you will see, we are very spoiled in the US!

THE GOOD

• Get to be with my husband during a deployment!
• Don’t have to be home alone for 3 months in a new place
• Get to see some amazing countries I otherwise wouldn’t have seen
• Get to take care of my husband while he works some long hours
  
• A lot of Europeans speak English (a lot of them speak 3 languages)
  
• It’s cool to see where my husband works overseas
• The BMW
• Experiencing a different culture
• No speed limit on the autobahn
• Wireless internet
• Almost every building in Europe is cute…I can’t get over it
• Lots of American services and products on base
• The bed is decent
  

THE BAD

• Get stir-crazy when I’m in the apt (more so when he works nights) with not much to do
• Get lonely without interaction with anyone/no friends
• Everything in Europe is expensive (food, gas, parking, bathrooms, etc)
• Europeans don’t say “excuse me” when they walk by you. They don’t move out of the way…they just bump you as they walk past you. Cultural differences are interesting.
• Europeans have small fridges so you have to go to the store every other day
• Germans aren’t big on water. If you want water at a restaurant, you have to order a glass bottle of water and even though it’s not supposed to have gas (carbonation), it still does a little. So you drink a lot of soda at restaurants. It’s hard to find bottled water anywhere. Drinks are served semi-cold. No ice.
  
• At restaurants, they don’t bring you the bill after they clear your plates. They wait until you ask for it. Good thing we just found out we had to ask.
• Hard and unmotivating to cook without all my cooking supplies, a Celsius oven, and having to buy all the basics
• No American tv, Hulu, or Pandora
• My flat iron broke when I plugged it in…still haven’t gotten a new one
• Crazy drivers
• Not being in our own cozy home filled with blankets
• Limited grocery options
• Everything closes early
• Doing laundry on base
• No phone plan
• No bath
  

On Wednesday we went to Brugge, Belgium, where I quickly came out of my funk in a city filled with the cutest buildings I'd ever seen. The next day, we stopped in Brussels and Luxembourg City. We borrowed a bunch of travel books from John's friends who are stationed an hour from here, and they have helped a lot. We had a lot of fun, saw a lot in those two days, and were happy to be back at the apartment last night. I will post more pictures and stories about that trip in my next post.


*Side note: I started using Google Reader to keep up on different blogs. Check it out. It's a lot easier than going to every blog each day to see if there's something new.